I had two dreams last night. One was not so good, but the 2nd was very helpful… it was Sandy, speaking to me. In my dream, I was on my right side, curled up in bed. Sandy was sitting in front of me, looking at me with her big gorgeous green eyes. She started speaking …
Category Archive: Blogging
Jul 01 2009
Break in Down Again
I had a really really bad breakdown today. I woke up at 2:30am or so with my usual nightmare of John breaking up with me. I live it over and over every night. You’d think it would get easier by now, but I think it’s getting worse. The lack of sleep I’m getting from waking …
Jun 18 2009
Love & Kitties
Sandy is on my lap. Aurora is by my side. Dagan is behind my head on the back of the couch. Gracie is on the bed. I love kitty nap time! I tried to sleep in today, but ended up waking up at 9am, but I did get about 8 hours of sleep – very …
Jun 17 2009
I Hate Mornings
I know a lot of people say this, but I really really mean it. I wake up every day before my alarm clock from awful dreams. Each one of them involves John. Some are great and I wake up sad that he’s not here. Others are terrible and I wake up in a panic, reminding …
Jun 10 2009
The Internet is a Public Place
Yes, I know this. I also know it is the place that I go to reach out to the millions or couple of people who want to read about what I am thinking, feeling, or going through. It helps me feel connected to the world, as I am often very lonely (even in crowds of …
Jun 06 2009
“Keep Busy,” they say!
Long post – ye be warned! 😉 ================ I have been busy non-stop since John left me. I’ve gotta say, “I’m freakin’ exhausted!” I spent the first few weeks crying and not sleeping enough. I’m doing much better these days, however; yet, my mind still finds time to think about the sad tragedy that became …
Jun 03 2009
So Alive, Uh Huh, So Alive…
I feel real today. I feel the blood running in my veins. I feel the organs inside my rib cage. I feel the sensations of my skin. I feel. I feel. For quite some time now, I’ve been numb. I’ve been avoiding feeling as much as possible, because every feeling was deeply painful. Not tonight… …
Jun 01 2009
Know Thyself / Labeling
I am on a quest for knowledge… to find out who I am and why I do the things I do (or don’t do the things I don’t do). I feel like Leela (Futurama) on a quest to find her own people… when she finally meets them, she goes through a bunch of emotion, and …
May 29 2009
Making Progress
Talked to a rep from the Learning Disability Association of California. They did a minor phone assessment, and will how help me find a counselor who will best be able to help me! They’ll actually be calling their top counselors to discuss ME (not just “are they available for new patients”), and then I’ll be …
May 29 2009
Who Am I?
I’ve been trying to figure how why I have so much trouble seeing “signs” and communicating with loved ones. I’ve been trying to figure out why I don’t initiate sex, even though I want it. I’ve been trying to figure out why I get so stressed and overwhelmed so easily, especially when it comes to …
May 26 2009
California is Rotting with Ignorance
I am so disappointed in the California Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Prop 8 – eliminating equal rights for all people. They upheld the marriages of those who made the deadline, but what about all of those who didn’t – those who’s weddings were planned for dates in the future (due to family, money, etc.)? …
May 26 2009
Beautiful Gloom
It’s gloomy out today. I wish we’d have a thunderstorm. I could really use one right now. I miss the torrential downpour right now. I want it to wash away everything, including my dreams and nightmares. Thankfully, there have been less of them over the past two nights – probably because I am now taking …
May 22 2009
And All HE keeps Inside, Isn’t on the Label
Once again, I woke up with a song swimming around my head… Fuel – Shimmer She calls me from the cold Just when I was low, feeling short of stable And all that she intends And all she keeps inside, isn’t on the label She says shes ashamed And can she take me for awhile …