It’s gloomy out today. I wish we’d have a thunderstorm. I could really use one right now. I miss the torrential downpour right now. I want it to wash away everything, including my dreams and nightmares. Thankfully, there have been less of them over the past two nights – probably because I am now taking Valerian Root to help me sleep deeper. I’m exhausted though. I was hoping to feel more rested after taking this… maybe it will be a few more days.
Last night, I called a friend during a pretty strong emotional low; and, she gave me some good advice. Others have to, but in a different way. With the state that I was in and the words she said, I think I am ready to start letting go. I have been desperately holding on… not wanting to say good-bye to almost 3 years of happy times and love; but, I just can’t handle the pain anymore… and he’s not coming back. So, I think I am ready to start letting go. There will be rough days, I am sure; but, they will be easier if I cut the rope. That’s what I have to do. I can’t tie myself down to false hope and glimpses. I need to run… run into the direction that will lead to great happiness. I can’t wallow in this place of loss and longing anymore.
I hope I can do this. I believe I can. I am pretty damn strong, and I know this wasn’t my fault.