Dec 24 2010
I definitely had a whirlwind of a year. I started off working for a wedding invitation company, kept growing my wedding photography business, and ended up a math teacher at an all-girls charter high school. Kyle & I have grown as a couple and are very happy, we have taken some great vacations together, and …
Jul 01 2009
I had a really really bad breakdown today. I woke up at 2:30am or so with my usual nightmare of John breaking up with me. I live it over and over every night. You’d think it would get easier by now, but I think it’s getting worse. The lack of sleep I’m getting from waking …
Jun 18 2009
Sandy is on my lap. Aurora is by my side. Dagan is behind my head on the back of the couch. Gracie is on the bed. I love kitty nap time! I tried to sleep in today, but ended up waking up at 9am, but I did get about 8 hours of sleep – very …
Jun 17 2009
I know a lot of people say this, but I really really mean it. I wake up every day before my alarm clock from awful dreams. Each one of them involves John. Some are great and I wake up sad that he’s not here. Others are terrible and I wake up in a panic, reminding …
Jun 06 2009
Long post – ye be warned! 😉 ================ I have been busy non-stop since John left me. I’ve gotta say, “I’m freakin’ exhausted!” I spent the first few weeks crying and not sleeping enough. I’m doing much better these days, however; yet, my mind still finds time to think about the sad tragedy that became …
Jun 03 2009
I feel real today. I feel the blood running in my veins. I feel the organs inside my rib cage. I feel the sensations of my skin. I feel. I feel. For quite some time now, I’ve been numb. I’ve been avoiding feeling as much as possible, because every feeling was deeply painful. Not tonight… …
May 29 2009
I’ve been trying to figure how why I have so much trouble seeing “signs” and communicating with loved ones. I’ve been trying to figure out why I don’t initiate sex, even though I want it. I’ve been trying to figure out why I get so stressed and overwhelmed so easily, especially when it comes to …
May 15 2009
So, be it my hormones or depression, my moods are swinging so wildly. I break down so easily, and I do stupid things… very stupid. Today, when I had a breakdown, I reached out to the one person who knows me best and who I trust to understand me – John. I shouldn’t have. He …
May 15 2009
It’s now been a week and a half since John left me. He & I have had very important and good talks since then, but it doesn’t make it any easier. The truth is, I am not yet at the point of acceptance. I am still longing and missing him so much. I really wish …
May 10 2009
As I write this, I am not in tears, and not too upset. I have a headache and cramps, but I am ok otherwise (for the time being). This weekend was especially hard, as I spent most of it in tears and pain. I did everything I could to eat some food, but I only …
Nov 27 2008
After work, I went to Best Buy to get my dad a gift card for his birthday (today). I ended up buying a Samsung 1080p 120hz 46″ LCD HDTV. John & I have been talking about it for quite some time now, and I told myself that if I could get the exact one I …