They’re All Around You and You’re All Alone

Apoptygma Berzerk – Paranoia <-- DL Here Chew The Pill That Taste Like Hell But Gives You Strength Embrace The Drug That Makes You Mad Cause Still It Turns You Into Something Else Feel The Need For Love Grows Stronger Swap Your Mind For A Mirror Search And Shake Until The Break Of Day One Day You'll Realize That You Were Wrong And You'll Regret That All This Happened Did It Happen Some Day You'll Realize That You Were Wrong Left With Paranoia As Your Only Friend Your Mind Is Full Of Enemies The Room Is Full Of Energies That Want To Take Control They're All Around You And You're All Alone Your Mind Is Full Of Enemies The Room Is Full Of Energies Haunting Your Soul They're All Around You ============================ When you lose the ability to trust the people closest to you, you start to feel a bit paranoid... because it's hard to know who you actually can or should trust. I am a very trusting person, normally; but, I am having a really tough time trying to make sense of how I could trust one person so much - share all of my life and vulnerabilities with them, and then have that trust completely betrayed. I am paranoid of the world around me. I am still giving myself to the world completely, but I do not trust it to protect me and take good care of me. I feel more lonely than ever before; yet, I am not really scared. I'm just having trouble trusting. I've never been so hurt or let down in my life as I was on May 6th. The world, as I knew it, collapsed; and, while picking up the pieces, I have begun to realize that I have lost faith in my ability to be intuitive and use good judgment. It's like I don't even know myself right now, and I don't trust myself to make healthy decisions about who I share my life with. This is unnerving, to say the least. Right now, I am swimming with regret. I want my years back. I want my faith in humanity back. I want my intuition back. I want my energy back. I want my simple, child-like enjoyment of life back. I can't have my time back, but I hope to have my real smile back soon. I'm not feeling like myself these days. I'm more aware of myself than ever before, and I am actually feeling more bitter than happy. This is not a pretty picture. I am still the optimist, but I am also rolling on the winds of caution (a new place for me - a place I'm not entirely comfortable with). We'll see how long I stay here...