Apoptygma Berzerk – Paranoia
Monthly Archive: May 2009
May 29 2009
Making Progress
Talked to a rep from the Learning Disability Association of California. They did a minor phone assessment, and will how help me find a counselor who will best be able to help me! They’ll actually be calling their top counselors to discuss ME (not just “are they available for new patients”), and then I’ll be …
May 29 2009
Who Am I?
I’ve been trying to figure how why I have so much trouble seeing “signs” and communicating with loved ones. I’ve been trying to figure out why I don’t initiate sex, even though I want it. I’ve been trying to figure out why I get so stressed and overwhelmed so easily, especially when it comes to …
May 26 2009
California is Rotting with Ignorance
I am so disappointed in the California Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Prop 8 – eliminating equal rights for all people. They upheld the marriages of those who made the deadline, but what about all of those who didn’t – those who’s weddings were planned for dates in the future (due to family, money, etc.)? …
May 26 2009
Beautiful Gloom
It’s gloomy out today. I wish we’d have a thunderstorm. I could really use one right now. I miss the torrential downpour right now. I want it to wash away everything, including my dreams and nightmares. Thankfully, there have been less of them over the past two nights – probably because I am now taking …
May 24 2009
Karaoke in the Cold
I’m freezing tonight. I just can’t get warm no matter what. I went to Karaoke with my friend Adrienne at this little dive bar, Liquid Zoo, in Van Nuys tonight. It was freezing in there. I sang a few new songs (new to me) tonight: Hole – Doll Parts, Toad the Wet Sprocket – Good …
May 22 2009
And All HE keeps Inside, Isn’t on the Label
Once again, I woke up with a song swimming around my head… Fuel – Shimmer She calls me from the cold Just when I was low, feeling short of stable And all that she intends And all she keeps inside, isn’t on the label She says shes ashamed And can she take me for awhile …
May 21 2009
Here is Gone
It is fascinating that for the past two weeks I’ve been waking up with very intense songs in my head. I usually don’t hear music until I get in the car. I guess, when I am sad or emotional, music comes to me instead to pull it all out of me – for better or …
May 20 2009
Time to Shine
Pink Floyd – Shine On You Crazy Diamond Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond. You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom, blown on the steel …
May 19 2009
Why I Blog…
Without ever being diagnosed, I grew up with a reading / learning disability. I finally found out about it this December, upon talking to a friend who diagnosis kids for a living. She unofficially diagnosed me, and told me if I were tested now, I’d surely be diagnosed. Basically, I cannot understand / comprehend what …
May 17 2009
Sleepy Time
It’s 12:43am now, and I had a good weekend. I am very thankful for my wonderful friends who have kept me company on the phone, via text, on IM and in person. Today, I had a house cleaner come over to help get this place looking good and in order. It feels really good to …
May 17 2009
Learning to Fly
Pink Floyd – Learning to Fly Into the distance, a ribbon of black Stretched to the point of no turning back A flight of fancy on a windswept field Standing alone my senses reeled A fatal attraction holding me fast, how Can I escape this irresistible grasp? Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies …
May 16 2009
Music Invasion
I love music. It infects me very deeply, too deeply at times. I’m watching VH1’s top 100 of the 90s, and Iris just came on. This song makes me cry even when I’m in a good mood. Man, what emotion music can pull out of people! Green Day is on now. Wow, I have to …
May 16 2009
What Did I Expect?
Today was my 1st therapy session since John left me. It was a rocky start with her office being closed and me having to come back later on since she wasn’t legally allowed to talk to me until I did paperwork. It’s very hard to type right now. Sandy is cuddling me like mad. She’s …
May 15 2009
Mood Swings
So, be it my hormones or depression, my moods are swinging so wildly. I break down so easily, and I do stupid things… very stupid. Today, when I had a breakdown, I reached out to the one person who knows me best and who I trust to understand me – John. I shouldn’t have. He …