After Comic-Con, I had a hard time adjusting to my every day life again. It was so much fun and so surreal that I really didn’t want it to end.
During the week, I worked hard on school; but, I still can’t keep up with the reading. I’m 5 chapters behind now. I hate this. The more I fall behind, the more overwhelmed I get. Still, I can’t seem to keep up.
I did have a wedding (officiating gig) on Thursday afternoon. The couple was incredibly in love. I rarely see couples THAT happy. It makes me jealous, but it also makes me happy that so much love really does exist in the world!
After the wedding, which was in beautiful Topanga Park in Pacific Palisades, I drove home to pack for a night away. Kyle picked me up around 8:15pm and brought me beautiful flowers! I love flowers!!! 🙂 I couldn’t stop smiling!
We drove down to Oceanside to pick up the key to the marina, then headed to San Diego to spend the night on his parents’ sailboat. It was a very unique experience, and I hope to do it again someday! We had music, but were far away from everyone and everything else. It was nice!
In the morning, we got breakfast at Point Break (coconut pineapple pancakes – yum), then we hung out on the boat for a bit, took a walk along the water, then headed to dinner at Tao (Vietnamese / Japanese restaurant). It had a whole vegetarian menu and the food was PHO-nomenal!!! Haha!
On the way home, we stopped back in Oceanside to drop off the key. Great timing too! We ran into Kurt, Kyle’s brother, who was just finishing up packing the car. He is moving to Chicago to be with the love of his life. 🙂 We got to see him off!
Once home, my sister, Jay, and Nick came over to Kyle’s with ice cream cake and my favorite movies. We watched Moullin Rouge. It should have made me very happy, but it actually depressed me. I have passion that deep, but it goes so unused and unappreciated. I have such an ordinary life – void of that kind of beautiful magic, music, truth and love.
After the movie, I felt so alone… even though I were surrounded by my sister, boyfriend, and good friends. I felt so lost and so distant. I wanted to melt into the movie, become part of that world, and leave my own life behind.
Today, I woke up, took Kyle to the train station and came home. I fed the cats and passed out til noon. I kept hitting snooze on my alarm, and finally got out of bed at 12:40pm. I spend the day editing photos, which I am so glad I finished!
After that, my depression set back in. I tried to drown it out by watching Friends, but eventually ended up just going back to bed for a long nap.
I am not sure what to do next. I have more classes next quarter, still no teaching position, money is very tight right now, and I’m feeling dissatisfied by everything. I may go back on my Lexapro for a bit to see if that gives me the boost I need and focus for school. I also can’t waste valuable study time feeling depressed. I just don’t have any time to waste. In fact, I could really use more hours every day!
So, tonight, I’m going to catch a ride to Hollywood with Josef. He’s having dinner with Ryan and Heather and offered to get me some grub. I really want to go to the Gemini Syndrome show, but don’t have enough gas in my car to get there and back (only one bar). I also don’t have enough for parking and a ticket. It’s just money I can’t justify spending right now. My unemployment checks have NOT yet resumed, and it’s very stressful. I did spend way too much on myself this birthday (at Comic-Con… eating), and I shouldn’t have. I don’t regret the fun I had, but I do wish I had budgeted better. I also realized I had an extra vet bill this month due to Dagan’s condition earlier this month. That set me back an extra $400. Well, I’ll survive. I always do. I just have to be careful and enjoy only the freebies in life for a while. Thankfully, I am really good at living for cheap and having fun for free and for under $5.
I hope this year turns out to be as great as my birthday wishes told me it would. I hope I feel passion returned to me, not just escape from me. I hope my kitties have good health, and I hope I can make it through school without too much stress.
At this age, I do want more than the little things. I want something grand and intense. I guess we’ll see!