A. List 6 facts/habits/confessions about yourself.
B. At the end of the post, tag 5 people and post their names, then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and pointing them your blog.
I was hoping to avoid, but I’ve been tagged. 😉 Okay… let me try this..
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1. I’ve been terrible at keeping up with friends from back east. I wish I had Keri’s motivation, energy and devotion. I love my friends; but for some reason, I just don’t contact them. I wish I knew why. I didn’t even call James on his birthday, and I feel absolutely terrible about it. I am trying to think of a way to make it up to him, because an apology is not good enough. Ugh. I need to work on this.
2. I am thoroughly disappointed in my career-life… so much so that I have driven home in tears. I feel pigeon-holed into an admin-type lifestyle, when I am capable of so much more! I have been a Town Clerk, Web Designer, Web Design Manager (over 14 designers), an Office Manager, Town Event Planner & Photographer, Town Policy & Procedure Writer, an Art Teacher, and many other things – most without the titles to go along with those duties. I have letters of recommendation from the Broward County Mayor, Town Mayor, Town Manager and Residents, but I can’t seem to land a position in which I can grow & excel. I think something must be wrong with how I am approaching things. I feel a lot of failure here.
3. I tried going back to school for my Masters in Business, but hated it so much. I didn’t want to study, read, do group projects 2 nights a week or even gain any knowledge. I just wanted the freakin’ degree so that I could ask for more money when applying to jobs I don’t really want. It was a very sad attempt at a better financial future. I got A’s in both my classes and never went back. I didn’t want to spend my valuable free time doing something that was making me miserable… especially when deep down, I believe that I’m worth the money now – if only someone would give me a chance to be a manager again!
4. I have an unhealthy attachment to my memories. I think it may be from losing my mom so young, but I am so overly nostalgic. I don’t know anyone who reminisces as much as I do. I always feel like nobody cares about who I am, where I came from and what I’ve done. I feel like hardly anyone wants to hear my stories or see photos from my past. I think to myself, “So, this is what it’s like living just for myself.” It’s pretty lonely. I do have great friends, but they mostly seem interested in the memories they’ve made with me or memories of their past. Hardly anyone asks me about my past or to hear stories from my childhood. I don’t really know why this is. I wonder if I do this too. I might. Sigh.
5. I have always felt somewhat of a loner. I have many friends and have lots of social events, but I still feel lonely. I love playing board games… which (it seems) people begrudgingly play with me since they do like me and want to make me happy. I also love photography, but people get annoyed when I want to stop to photograph things I see that I think are beautiful. I feel like a child in a 30 year old’s body. I have great friends who love to do many of the things I do, but not to the extent that I do… I feel like I’m running a marathon and leaving everyone behind all the time. At 3am, the party is still going in my world, but everyone else has gone home or passed out. Another scenario is at work… I have many people around me who smile or say hi, but hardly anyone invites me to join them for lunch or to walk and talk. I am almost always forgotten when it comes to meetings, birthday celebrations, and the like. It’s so bizarre. I don’t think I’ve pissed anyone off, but I am just not part of anyone’s ‘group’ so I don’t really matter. The rebel in me doesn’t care, but the lonely girl just wants to be included or thought of. It’s such a conflict for someone like me who shows huge (but not overbearing – I hope) amounts of confidence in the workplace and in social situations.
6. Last… the one I dread to type… I am actually scared of having a future regret of not having kids. I don’t want kids, I don’t think babies are particularly cute, I don’t like to wake up all night (or early), I love to travel and spend money on photography and going to new places. I love sleeping and not having any obligations to children (other than my cats), and I love being “free” from that type of financial responsibility too. I don’t even have money for a condo, let alone to send a kid to college one day! I just hope that I don’t regret it. Right now, I am so happy with my choice not to have kids. I know they enrich people’s lives, but I just don’t ‘crave’ them nor can I afford them. I can barely afford my damn bills. My fear is that I’ll be 45 and then freak out and wish I could have a child, but be physically unable to have one. I hope that never happens, but I am afraid of that possible regret.
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Okay, I tag Missy, Megan, Josef, John & Liz